• 26% of candidates were over 40, 10% of these were over 50 and 2.5% over 60
• 68% of candidates had English as their first language and this means for 32% English is not their first language
• 20% were qualified to teach English in their own country, 43% had previous experience of teaching English; 20% had more than two years’ experience
• 42% planned to teach EAP after the course
• 38% planned to teach Business English after the course
• 22% planned to teach 5–11 year olds
• 28% planned to teach 11–16 year olds
• And 52.5% found out about CELTA through personal recommendation. 21% though ‘other’ means – probably websites.

As we all know, there are lies, damned lies and then there are statistics, so you can read into these figures whatever you wish. A couple of things stood out for me, though. Half of those taking the course intend to go on to teach kids. When I did my CELTA, more than ten years ago admittedly, there was precious little about the course that would have prepared me for teaching young learners. The same goes for the more than a third who would be heading for either EAP or business English. This really suggests to me that a) there need to be more starter courses catering for specific strands such as EAP, and b) the CELTYL isn’t widely available or people just don’t know about it.

Read what others have been saying on the forum here.

I also recommend Martin’s EAP podcasts, a fabulous resource.

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I’ve now reached that point when I’m twice as old as my students and I have to admit I’m getting better at doing stuff, another twenty years and I might actually be close to fulfilling everything I’m supposed to do in a normal working day. Until the, I’ll continue falling back on my finely honed slacking skills, the most important of which I’m about to share with you. If you’re going to get away with doing bugger all, there’s one thing that you must do at all times.

Scott’s law of business

Scott’s law of business will save many a great procrastinator from ever having to do the amount of work there job dictates they should.

‘Never walk down a hallway in an office building without a piece of paper in your hand.’

How does this apply to me, a language teacher? I hear you, I hear you, and don’t think I haven’t anticipated your question, because, quite simply, this principle applies to TEFL as much as it does any job anywhere in the world. I think back to the days when I worked in a supermarket. There was no better way to avoid having to stack that shelf than to walk around with a clipboard. The number of times I walked around bloody Tesco with a clipboard – completely devoid of paper, mind – is nobody’s business but mine and yours. If I think back even further to my time working in a hotel, I recall a towel would always do the trick, or at very least a cloth to clean something with. The point here is that he who has something in his hand will be perceived as having something important to do. The naked clipboard example illustrates that you don’t even have to be that convincing in your would be business, just look like you’re on your way somewhere in a hurry.

Applying the law to TEFL

Have a pack of cigarettes handy

I know this sounds strange, especially if you don’t smoke, but people still appreciate the absolute necessity of smokers to smoke. Therefore, if you have a cigarette in hand it looks like you need to have a break to smoke it. I know you’re dubious but I’ve done this and it works. If you really don’t like the idea, use a pen and stick it in your mouth whenever the boss catches you and tell them you’re weaning yourself off the filthy cancer sticks and that need to place yourself in the social situations you used to smoke in to really break the habit.

Have a handout / worksheet with you at all times

The worksheet is the clipboard of the TEFL world. If the DoS walks past you, you could even throw in a ‘is the photocopier working now?’ This will act as a double whammy, as the boss will not only assume that you are desperately working to get ready for your class but will also be busy fretting about whether or not the machine is on the blink.

Learn your colleagues’ schedules

Not only is learning timetables much more fun than lesson planning, you can also waste loads of time pretending to look for someone who you know isn’t there. When they show up later asking what you wanted, have a time sensitive excuse as to why you no longer need to talk to them.

Have a pen that doesn’t work

You have a pen in your hand, that’s a surefire sign that you’re doing something constructive. OK, it doesn’t work, but this doesn’t negate the fact that you appear to be working. The great thing about this is that most people who pass you by won’t have a pen either, so you can keep the ruse going for a fair length of time.

These are but a few of my favourite work avoidance strategies. I’d dearly love to hear how you shirk responsibility.

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In the world of TEFL, realism – pessimism if you absolutely must – will help you survive on a day to day basis. With this in mind, I’ll be guiding those of you with less pessimism (years of experience) than myself on how to get by in our most noble of professions. As you go through your teaching career, you’ll inexorably come into contact with any number of course books and, even worse, the accompanying teacher’s manual. From time to time you may be suffering one of those days where you suddenly have renewed faith in life and you decide to open the teacher’s manual. After quickly closing it again, you’ll find yourself cursing the layout and wishing they could have presented the bloody information in a way understandable to people other than Neo when he was in the Matrix. I’m going way off on a tangent here, but the point I’m trying to make is that people like their info to be easily digestible. With this in mind, whenever I cobble together one of my how to guides, I’ll be bullet-pointing, underlining and bolding like a student desperately trying to mask their plagiarism.

Here we go then with the first counsel on how to endure the world of TEFL.

Lackland’s laws

Lackland’s laws state as follows:

1. Never be first
2. Never be last
3. Never volunteer for anything

If you can stick to these three principles as much as possible, you’re off to one hell of a good start. I can sense that many of you are looking at this and thinking that these are pure pessimism. I can azure you half-fullers that you are quite wrong and here is why.

Never be first

Being first will generate an incredible amount of bad will towards you. Being first could manifest itself in any one of many situations:

• the first to sign up for an observation with the DoS
• meeting with the boss
• trial new course books or materials
• write an article for the school newsletter

Doing any of these things is OK and may well help you stay in your job, however doing any of these things first will arouse suspicion in your colleagues, none of whom are as nice as you. Be the second, by all means, but do not be the first one to do anything.

Never be last

Being last will also generate an incredible amount of bad will towards you and not from your colleagues but from those in the position to terminate your employment. This is never good. Here are some things you particularly don’t want to be last in:

• the last to make an arrangement of an observation with the DoS
• the last to arrive at the staff meeting (one time it’s Ok to be first because on one will realize)
• the last to use the photocopier before it breaks down

Again, be the second to last, by all means, but do not be the last one to do anything. You might as well walk around with a sandwich board with the words ‘first against the wall when the revolution comes’ written on it.

Never volunteer for anything

People who volunteer for stuff are invariably up to something. Volunteering is different from being the first in that it is nominally optional. I say nominally because not all things that require volunteers are voluntary. Learning the distinction between what is truly voluntary and what requires compulsory volunteerism is an important skill that, while I offer no advice on how, I do suggest you acquire.

If you really must volunteer, make sure you…

Volunteer for something that no one realizes needed doing, especially not your boss.

People won’t resent you too much because what you���ve done will be so far over their heads they won’t even comprehend it.Find something that doesn’t exist, like a handbook for a self access learning centre, go on the internet and find a downloadable example, edit the details to fit your schools needs, present it to your boss. This is extremely effective volunteering as it is sneaky, it doesn’t require much work and will keep you out of trouble for quite a while.

Do it incredibly reluctantly and make sure your colleagues know that they owe you.

Complain all the while, make out it is much harder than it really is. Avoid meetings because you’re too busy on the voluntary project. In other words, milk it.

Don’t appear to enjoy it even if you are enjoying it.

If you look like you’re enjoying it, it will become part of your job. This is rarely a good thing. Don’t forget to blow it out of proportion on your CV, though.

Use having volunteered this time as an excuse for not volunteering for the much worse task that is bound to come in the future.

‘Look guys, I volunteered to do that really cushy task that took me the whole of five minutes, so you can understand why I don’t want to be involved in this huge project that will eat into my private life for months on end’ is exactly how you shouldn’t work this quality piece of shirking.

Make sure it is a replication of work you’ve already done.

A couple of months ago you cobbled together that end of level test and didn’t share it with anyone, now volunteer to write the end of level test and share it with everyone.

These are quality guidelines that will help you on the road to healthy pessimism. Now, go and finish that half glass while it’s still cold.

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We’re once again joined by Luke Fisher, who delves into the world of teacher training courses in this latest addition to the guest authors series:

The various types of TEFL Certification available make it important to research all possible options before learning to teach English as a second language. As there are many types of courses available you can usually find one that will suit both your timing and the method that you prefer for instruction. In the past there have been two options when it comes to taking a TEFL course, the first is classroom style and the second is an online course. Currently, about 30,000 people per year become TEFL certified with 5,000 completing in-class courses and 25,000 completing online courses.

There are a number of options in terms of TEFL certification. The training methods vary due to the nature of the course itself, the main difference being the method of course delivery. An in-class 4 week course is face to face where trainees are taught along with their peers and includes the very important component of teaching practice with real students of English. By Contrast, an online course is by nature completed independently with the support of an online tutor either via email or chat. Although an online course is a convenient option in terms of cost and accessibility, the draw back is that no teaching practice can be completed due the course being online. Instead, a CD of teachers teaching are viewed and commented on.

Typically, a TEFL certification course is 4 weeks long and is more than often completed in the country where you plan to teach English. The course is fairly intensive and is designed to give a sound foundation and introduction to teaching English as well as teaching practice with actual students of English. Teaching skills, knowledge and experience are improved after the course when actually teaching. The most popular locations for TEFL certification are Thailand, Spain, Italy and Costa Rica.

Another option is TEFL certification online. The main advantage of this type of course is its flexibility and price. The course can be taken from pretty much anywhere with a pc and can be completed at a self dictated pace. The course can be completed in anything from 2 weeks to 6 months depending on the time that you have available. Not having to attend a training centre overseas for 4 weeks obviously makes this type of course a much cheaper option.

One further option is a Combined TEFL course. This is a combination of the two methods above. Trainees complete the online TEFL certification course and then attend a training centre for two weeks for further training and teaching practice. This is a good option for those that do not perform to their full potential in intensive environments. The teaching practice component of the combined course is offered in four locations: Thailand, Italy, Spain and the USA.

The quality of training and certification received when completing a TEFL course relates to the time involved in training and the amount of teaching practice hours completed. The 4 week in class TEFL course and the combined TEFL course involves approximately 130 hrs of training and 6 to 10 hrs of teaching practice. The industry standard recommendation for an in-class course is 6 hrs of teaching practice. The online course involves 100 hrs of training and post course options for in class components of teaching practice either locally or abroad.

About the author

TEFL Course is a leading provider in global TEFL Certification and TESOL Certification. TEFL Course will help you find TEFL Jobs in a range of countries.

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In the early voyages of discovery crews would feature a degenerado. The degenerado would be put ashore to greet potentially hostile tribes in unexplored countries. The degenerado was expendable. A degenerado would typically be a convicted criminal or converted Jew.

Sir Michael Hobbs’ journey to China on the “The Gracious” in 1610 featured a degenerado by the name of Jack Snow. Jack Snow had been an able law student at St John’s College, and an able contemporary of John Donne, although he had always been a better lawyer than satirist. Jack had roystered with the young Lord Rochester, oblivious to the collapse of his family’s estates in Northamptonshire. Languishing in debtor’s gaol, he had welcomed the call to join the expedition. Looking back in shame at his family’s now partitioned holdings he also secretly welcomed the name as an expression of his own feelings about himself, the degenerado.

To read the rest of the article, click here.

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In March, Mishmumkin raised an issue of great significance to those of us who are looking for that dream TEFL job or are considering starting out in the profession: ‘If I’ve done my research correctly I should know a great deal about my potential employer before the interview. I’m curious what those who do the hiring wish their candidates asked about.’

So, what are recruiters expecting from their prospective employees at the interview? The forum members shared their wealth of experience in offering the following words of great wisdom. Here’s what those in the position to hire feel you should be asking your future employer at that interview…

To read the rest of the article, click here.

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Reading occurs in our lives on a constant basis. Nevertheless, defining reading is not easy. Different people use the term reading for different purposes, which can cause much confusion.

However, simply stating that this is what constitutes reading is to risk forgetting that, in the reading class, the most important thing is that both the teacher and the student should understand the reading process.

To read the rest of the article, click here.

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If life weren’t tough enough anyway, the miserable fact is that job burnout is increasingly common in the contemporary, stress filled workplace. As teachers of English, I feel we’re prone to this more than just about any other group of professionals.

While some job stress can, naturally, be regarded as a normal occurrence, how can we really know when we’ve lost the ability to control the root causes of that stress, or when they’re leading to a more serious condition, job burnout?

To read the rest of the article, click here.

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The full table of contents of the current issue.

Dealing with Job Burnout
by David Vincent

Are you an Effective Teacher of Reading?
by Adam Simpson

Secrets of those who do the TEFL Hiring
by members of the forum (General discussion)

The Meaning of Gay
by David Vincent

Begging ex-Teacher in Thailand
by Voicu Mihnea Simandan

Poll
Does your Employer Provide Medical Insurance? (General discussion)

Jack Snow’s Way of Dealing with the Past
by Joseph Bleazard

Teaching Collocations with the Word ‘Mind’, Using Concordance Data
by Michael Thomas

Academicus Electronicus
by Brandreth McClure

The PITS (Politically Incorrect Tasks)
by Martin McMorrow

Interview: The People behind the Websites
Sue Swift from ELT Notebook

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In this issue there is an important message from Mario Rinvoludicrous. In his article (in the Course outline section) super Mario writes about the contribution Pilgrims trainers have made to the teaching community through their books. He draws our attention to the major writing effort that has brought the words, thoughts, teaching experiences and imaginations of 50 or so Pilgrims trainers/writers to many people around the language teaching globe. Their will to write and share ideas is also an encouragement for very teacher around the globe. Scintillating stuff.

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